Notes from the Middle of a Thought Spiral

And the realization that helps me escape.

Some days I struggle with accepting myself. Today is such a day.

Negative thoughts are having a field day in my brain, and I feel powerless to make them stop. All I can do is watch them.

But then, that is the one thing I can do: watch them. Watch them. Don’t participate in them. Don’t follow them along. Just watch them.

Today, they’re telling me that I’m letting people down. That when I have a negative encounter with someone, or leave an unpleasant impression, that’s my fault. I didn’t manage the situation properly.

They’re telling me that if I would be more attentive, less selfish, kinder, more patient—then I’d be worthy of other people’s love. But not now. Not the way I am.

They’re telling me how sad and pathetic I am for struggling with these same old feelings that have plagued me for years. What are you paying your therapist for, they say?

That’s fine. They can talk. I’m watching them.

They are playing hopscotch in my brain.

I realize: